I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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