You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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