Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
