Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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