Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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