She's JV to your varsity
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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