Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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