Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
that's an acceptable place to lick
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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