I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I want her autograph on my taint
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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