We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
