so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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