Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize