Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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