It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
