Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
