Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
