In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can't special order awesome
this boner is exhausting
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
