Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He shit in the fireplace
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