Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
