Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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