Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize