I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
