I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
