hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
