my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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