last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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