apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
