PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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