that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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