try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
