I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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