you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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