my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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