U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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