i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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