did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
