I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
