was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
