I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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