I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
