And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
