For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
