yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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