Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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