The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
