I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
