just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
