How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
