God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
