1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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