My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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