So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
