So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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