You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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