I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How's work?
Spinning.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
