I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
