forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
