quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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