note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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