cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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