I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
