I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
