we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
