remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
