I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
