im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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