Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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