I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
