Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
