forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
