my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
