Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
